How to Support Your Husband Through Anything

In almost fourteen years of marriage, Hubs and I have faced more challenges than some couples face in a lifetime.

A year and a half into our marriage, my new husband was diagnosed with cancer at the age of 27. That cancer came back less than a year later, and once again his life was on the line. After that, the storms of life did not stop.

In fact, we seem to be one of those couples where life is constantly throwing us a curve ball. Together we have faced cancer, infertility, adoption, job loss, financial troubles, death, Autism, going back to school, two careers changes, and several long job searches.

No matter what comes your way, here's how you can stay committed to your spouse when the storms of life surround you. Supporting your husband through struggles and trials can strengthen your marriage and your relationship with God.

Through it all,  our commitment to God and our marriage has never wavered. In fact, we’ve come out on the other side stronger and more deeply committed than ever before!

While we’re FAR from perfect, the lessons I’ve learned about supporting your husband has proven invaluable. Our journey hasn’t been easy, yet the blessings God has revealed have been worth the heartache.

How to Support Your Husband Through Anything

Show him that he matters

No matter what the circumstances, show him that he’s #1 in your life.  Communicate that it’s HIM; not his job, not his situation, not his wealth, but HIM that matters to you.

When life is overwhelming and you’re struggling to find your way, remember that if everything else were gone tomorrow, your spouse is what truly matters.

Give him room to dream and be supportive

God has placed wild dreams in the hearts of His people. Sometimes those dreams are scary, risky, or just plain daunting, but wives, give your hubby room to pray and figure things out.

Sometimes that means trusting your man even when he doesn’t have all the answers or the road looks rocky.

Other times it’s letting him take a leap of faith, while you cheer him on in the wings, gulp, without nagging.

 

Discuss your expectations

How’s the communication in your marriage?  Do you struggle to make known what you expect from your spouse and why this need is important to you?  Me, too!

But when you are clear, calm and communicate your needs,  your better half will actually KNOW what you are thinking! He won’t have to guess your thoughts and you don’t have to get irritated because he hasn’t read your mind.

Both parties will know exactly what the other needs and be able to respond appropriately.

Don’t harbor resentment

As women, we tend to bottle up our emotions until we have a laundry list of offenses against our spouse.

That’s dangerous!

When you’re struggling with the situations life has thrown at you, don’t keep those emotions locked up. Then, before long, you start to harbor bitterness, anger, and resentment, and often, your spouse may be the punching bag!

Instead, whatever emotions you’re feeling, create a safe relationship to share your honest and true feelings. When you can let go of anger, you are free to move on and let God heal your heart.

Be respectful of his desire to keep his emotions to himself

Does your husband love sharing his emotions and long, heartfelt chats?  Mine neither! I’ve learned to give him space when he needs to process life and not to hound him to talk.

While your man may never love opening up and talking about his feelings, he will share his heart more readily once he’s had a chance to process his emotions.

Pray for him and with him

A marriage is strengthened and unified by the power of prayer. When you pray for your spouse, you are laying him and his needs at the feet of Jesus.  You are giving your precious husband back to God, and relinquishing control over your spouse and life.

There is nothing more freeing than to humbly pray for your spouse, and trust God’s will for the life of your family.

Friend, it’s beautiful to lay your burdens at the cross, and trust that God knows your troubles. He sees your woes, is with you in the trenches, yet has eternity in His sight.

So in those moments when you are afraid and you wonder what God has planned for your husband, stop and pray that God will help you support him, and minister to Him exactly where He is.

“A wife of noble character who can find?  She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.  She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.”  Proverbs 31: 10-12

How do you support your spouse?  What encouragement can you give to other couples?

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About Sarah Ann

Welcome to Faith Along the Way! I am a redeemed child of God and perfectly imperfect in every area of my life. Wife to Hubs, we’ve battled the storms of Cancer, infertility, adoption & Autism together the past 10 years and praise God for his continued guidance. I hope you’ll join us on this journey through life as we trust God with faith along the way.

50 Comments

  • comment-avatar
    Brandi Clevinger March 9, 2015 (8:34 am)

    This resonates with me this morning because my husband has discussed a few things with me over the last week that makes me believe he feels as though he’s not as important in my life. This is certainly not true; however, I’ve been struggling with this. Thank you for your guidance especially in a spiritual way. Having a marriage with a solid foundation of faith is important.

    Thank you for your words!
    Brandi Clevinger recently posted…Dollar Shave Club GiveawayMy Profile

    • comment-avatar
      Sarah Ann March 9, 2015 (9:40 pm)

      Being married is such a delicate balance of love, sacrifice, service, and commitment. I’ll be praying for you as you and your love find balance again! Blessings to you both!

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    Tayrina March 9, 2015 (8:56 am)

    Wow! I can relate with this post. I’ve been married 3 years now in May 2015 and we have been through a lot of difficult situations and trials. Reading this, I recognize that sometimes I’ve been not doing what I’m supposed to do. But, I learned that in the way. Thanks for sharing about your life and what you’ve learned. They are words of wisdom and encouragement for me.
    Love and Blessings,
    Tayrina
    From TGAWrites
    Tayrina recently posted…A woman who trusts in the Lord is never alone.My Profile

    • comment-avatar
      Sarah Ann March 9, 2015 (9:37 pm)

      I really think we could all use these reminders, even me! I still have so far to go !

  • comment-avatar
    Charlee March 9, 2015 (9:26 am)

    Sarah Ann, what challenges you have had! We’ve only faced a fraction of what you have in our almost 7 years. I’m glad that you have learned so much so you can share it, though.

    I tend to keep in my feelings for way too long and then spit fire all at once, even if I’m not mad specifically at my husband. I have a lot of work to do in that area.

    These are all wonderful words of wisdom. Thank you for this.
    Charlee recently posted…Super Simple Spring Cleaning with Young ChildrenMy Profile

    • comment-avatar
      Sarah Ann March 9, 2015 (9:35 pm)

      Me too, Charlee! It happened in our house just a few weeks ago, and Hubs asked me after my rant just how long I had been holding that in! Ha! I still have so far to go!

  • comment-avatar
    Leanne | Transplanted Southerner March 9, 2015 (9:46 am)

    It’s true that harboring resentment and anger is bad, and not just emotionally! The stress it places on your body can make you sick.

    Aside even from all of that, talking about it gives your husband a chance to grow as well (if it truly is something he is doing that he could do better or not do at all).

    Great post!
    Leanne | Transplanted Southerner recently posted…Roast A Chicken Like A BossMy Profile

    • comment-avatar
      Sarah Ann March 9, 2015 (9:34 pm)

      Absolutely! I feel every ounce of stress that I carry, and when I am burdened, my body aches. Are you that way too?

  • comment-avatar
    Terri March 9, 2015 (11:09 am)

    Great post! Supporting each other is so important and you have covered great tips here
    Terri recently posted…Here are a few ways to Rekindle RomanceMy Profile

    • comment-avatar
      Sarah Ann March 9, 2015 (9:33 pm)

      It can be so tricky some times, but God will provide strength to come along side our love and minister to his heart!

  • comment-avatar
    penelope santiago March 9, 2015 (2:42 pm)

    I’ve been thinking about doing some things with my husband as well, but your story is just amazing how God has helped you throughout all this and this proves that marriage is worth it.

    • comment-avatar
      Sarah Ann March 9, 2015 (9:32 pm)

      It really is worth it! It’s not easy, but believe it or not, those challenges have been a blessing to both of us as we learned to cling to God first and then each other.

  • comment-avatar
    Sarah March 9, 2015 (3:10 pm)

    Life is a balancing act, that’s for sure. I see too many couples cut and run with times get tough. My husband is my rock and without him I would probably fall to pieces. I make sure he knows that. I do admit to being really bad and putting our kids first or my housework before downtime with my husband. Sometimes it is too easy to get caught up in the day to day and forget about what is really important.
    Sarah recently posted…My Project Life Plan for 2015My Profile

    • comment-avatar
      Sarah Ann March 9, 2015 (9:31 pm)

      I think it’s so easy to put the kids first without meaning to! I feel as though marriage has an ebb and flow, to it, and I am constantly reevaluate how things are going.

  • comment-avatar
    Jasmine March 9, 2015 (3:25 pm)

    Wow… what a testimony! Thank you for sharing, this is so encouraging. Such good tips; I look forward to trying them!

    • comment-avatar
      Sarah Ann March 9, 2015 (9:30 pm)

      Thanks, Jasmine! Many blessings to you!

  • comment-avatar
    Clare Speer March 9, 2015 (5:16 pm)

    I really love this post and you have been though a lot… I love the comments and suggestions to provide “support” for our spouses, I have been married a lot longer- but have gone through similar challenges, we are both cancer survivors, lost jobs, downsized, lots of financial challenges, and much more. But you give some really encouraging words to help get though those darkest times! Thanks
    Clare Speer recently posted…How Could This Happen To Me? (Part II) – Miracle MondaysMy Profile

    • comment-avatar
      Sarah Ann March 9, 2015 (9:30 pm)

      Congrats to both of you for beating cancer! It’s amazing how prevalent it is, but it sure puts life in perspective. You really learn to value what matters most in life!

  • comment-avatar
    Maria Hass March 9, 2015 (5:32 pm)

    I love this post. I haven’t had health issues, but our marriage has had some serious curveballs thrown at us over the past 10 years as well. Thank you for sharing practical advice to help other struggling couples keep going at it no matter what!
    Maria Hass recently posted…Do Not DisturbMy Profile

    • comment-avatar
      Sarah Ann March 9, 2015 (9:29 pm)

      Thanks, Maria! I think we all struggle at some time and it’s important to respond with love and dignity.

  • comment-avatar
    Starla J @ Pressing In and Pressing On March 9, 2015 (5:52 pm)

    Great post Sarah! Love the encouragement. It really is all about giving God glory in our marriages. Learning to respond to our husbands the way we would want them to respond to us.
    Starla J @ Pressing In and Pressing On recently posted…Feelings are Not Facts.My Profile

    • comment-avatar
      Sarah Ann March 9, 2015 (9:28 pm)

      And it can be so hard sometimes, but it’s what we are called to do. Plus, I find I am happier and more agreeable when I support him!

  • comment-avatar
    RaeAnn March 9, 2015 (6:10 pm)

    I love this. It something I am going through right now. My spouse may only be a boyfriend but it is important to start support as soon as you can. Lovely!

    • comment-avatar
      Sarah Ann March 9, 2015 (9:27 pm)

      Absolutely! It’s never too early to start treating him with respect and showing him he matters!

  • comment-avatar
    Laura March 9, 2015 (9:49 pm)

    I am not married yet, but I just reading words of wisdom from women who are! It sounds like you have a wonderful marriage rooted in God. Thank you for being a great example!
    Laura recently posted…Get Rid of Your ListMy Profile

    • comment-avatar
      Sarah Ann March 10, 2015 (8:49 pm)

      Thank you, Laura! It’s not at all easy, but God will give you the strength in moments where you wonder where your help comes from!

  • comment-avatar
    Laura Prater March 9, 2015 (11:31 pm)

    I love this post! You really have been through a lot, God is so good to carry us though when it doesn’t seem we can walk. 🙂 We have been though a lot too in our marriage and I wish as we were going through it all I would have had your post! What a wonderful post to help keep us on the right track in our marriage!

    • comment-avatar
      Sarah Ann March 10, 2015 (8:51 pm)

      Absolutely! It’s amazing to see how far you come when you look back, and you realize you never walked a step of it alone! 🙂 What a blessing!

  • comment-avatar
    Michelle Twin Mum March 11, 2015 (7:27 am)

    Such great advise, thank you. Especially about allowing him to process himself and not expecting him to share it all with me. Mich x
    Michelle Twin Mum recently posted…The Big 5 Meme – Life lessons you want your kids to learnMy Profile

    • comment-avatar
      Sarah Ann March 13, 2015 (12:35 pm)

      Thank you! I’m glad mine isn’t the only one who’s not a talker!

  • comment-avatar
    Bind My Wandering Heart March 11, 2015 (10:33 am)

    This is so helpful thank you. Especially respecting your husbands emotions regarding difficulties. I sometimes misinterpret my husbands lack of tears as him not caring, when really he just processes pain differently to me! Thank you so much for your encouragement.
    Bind My Wandering Heart recently posted…~ The Prayer of My Heart March 2015 ~My Profile

    • comment-avatar
      Sarah Ann March 13, 2015 (12:30 pm)

      I completely understand about that lack of tears! And amen to him processing differently than me. May I remember those differences and learn to give grace that his response is not like mine.

  • comment-avatar
    Putting Socks on Chickens March 11, 2015 (10:40 am)

    This is such a beautiful and inspiring post. Having a child with special needs can be so hard on a person and a marriage. I, more so than my husband, have a hard time expressing my love and gratitude for him, but hang onto resentment for parenting differences or feeling of lack of support. I so often tell myself that I want to be a better wife to him but can never seem to find the time to actually work on it. Thank you for the inspiration to do what I actually need to do for my husband, myself and our family.

    • comment-avatar
      Sarah Ann March 13, 2015 (12:29 pm)

      Yes, having a special needs child puts life in a different perspective and can add in extra hiccups along the way. I think those with a special needs child need to be more careful to guard our marriage more than the average marriage!

  • comment-avatar
    Elizabeth March 11, 2015 (2:51 pm)

    Sarah Ann, the more I get to know you, the more my respect grows! What a beautiful post. I really love the part about prayer for and together! So true. Thank you! Shared.
    Elizabeth recently posted…The Science of Happiness: 10 Ways to Choose OptimismMy Profile

    • comment-avatar
      Sarah Ann March 13, 2015 (12:28 pm)

      You are so sweet! I feel the same way about you! 🙂

  • comment-avatar
    Laura Sue Shaw March 11, 2015 (9:40 pm)

    This is wonderful advice and a great reminder that our guys NEED our support. Thanks for sharing <3
    Laura Sue Shaw recently posted…Home Management Spreadsheet to Organize On-The-GoMy Profile

    • comment-avatar
      Sarah Ann March 13, 2015 (12:24 pm)

      Thank you, Laura! Yes, they need our support and I will be the first to admit that Hubs sometimes doesn’t get my best. 🙂

  • Faith Along the Way March 12, 2015 (3:00 am)

    […] after years of marriage and countless trials, did we still manage to miss the mark on how to minister to each other’s […]

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    Heather @ My Overflowing Cup March 15, 2015 (11:01 pm)

    Thank you so much, Sarah Ann, for sharing your heart and the trials in your marriage with us. I truly believe that we need to share our vulnerabilities with one another if we are to be an encouragement and a blessing.

    I have been married for 22 years and I couldn’t agree with your list more. You’ve had to learn these lessons the hard way, but because of that, they should be lessons you won’t need to relearn.

    While I love them all, the first and the last are my favorites. Men need to feel valued for more than their provision and nothing changes our hearts and our marriages like bringing them to the Lord.

    Many blessings to you and yours, my friend!
    Heather @ My Overflowing Cup recently posted…Anticipate Your MovementsMy Profile

    • comment-avatar
      Sarah Ann March 16, 2015 (10:51 pm)

      You are such an encouragement, Heather! It’s so funny how when we’re out of the trials and going through every day life how quickly I can forget those lessons. I wish I could say I’ve learned what I need to in order to be a wonderful wife, but it’s amazing how often I miss the mark. On those occasions, I am thankful for grace and for his long fuse!

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    Jenny @ Unremarkable Files March 16, 2015 (2:45 pm)

    I think it’s important to understand your spouse’s personality and respect it. In the beginning of our marriage I would introduce an issue and want to talk about it RIGHT THEN, whether it was something we needed to plan or a decision we needed to make or something that’s bothering me. I’ve learned now that it’s better to tell him, “We need to talk about X, Y, Z. How about tomorrow after the kids go to bed?” He doesn’t like when I ambush him with a topic; he likes to put his thoughts together for a day or so first if I can give him a heads-up.

    #mondayformoms
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    • comment-avatar
      Sarah Ann March 16, 2015 (10:48 pm)

      I completely agree, Jenny! I used to do the same thing, until I realized we were getting no where fast. I actually am the one who likes to gather my thoughts and take time to plan out what I am going to say. If not, well, sometimes that when I’ve said words I regret!

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    Suzie@homemaker-mom March 16, 2015 (9:23 pm)

    Wow what an on time for me post I needed to read. Thank you for sharing from your heart. I agree with the part you said Sometimes it’s letting him take a leap of faith, while you cheer him on in the wings, gulp, without nagging.
    So happy to find your post while partying at the Titus 2Tuesdays! I love your blog each week!
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    • comment-avatar
      Sarah Ann March 16, 2015 (10:47 pm)

      You are so kind, Suzie! It can be so hard to sit back and watch him take a leap of faith, but it’s so important. Blessings to you and your family!

  • comment-avatar
    Emily March 16, 2015 (10:37 pm)

    Wise words! So much to take away from this post. Thanks. 🙂
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    • comment-avatar
      Sarah Ann March 16, 2015 (10:45 pm)

      Thanks so much for the encouragement! 🙂 I appreciate it!

  • comment-avatar
    Ifeoma Samuel March 17, 2015 (11:33 am)

    These are very helpful suggestions. i am glad I hopped over to read this.
    God Bless
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    • comment-avatar
      Sarah Ann March 19, 2015 (9:39 am)

      I’m so glad you joined the marriage talk!

  • comment-avatar
    Michele Morin April 5, 2017 (11:55 am)

    Sarah, this is so good, and we do forget how important our support is to our husbands, especially when things are rocky. I just finished reading Cherish by Gary Thomas, and he particularly made that point!