• Have the courage to have THIS conversation and watch your relationship grow. Grab the free printable conversation guide to get started!

The Conversation That Will Change Your Marriage

Hubs and I love to joke around at home and keep the atmosphere lighthearted.  Neither one of us are confrontational and we’d soon avoid a subject than work through an issue. {I know, that’s SO not healthy for a relationship!}

On the surface, it’s great to have a house of peace and harmony, but it’s also dangerous to keep true feelings locked inside.

Sometimes there’s a need for deep discussion about a relationship in order for it to continue to grow.

With busy schedules, often our true feelings are put on the back burner simply because we’re too exhausted to face the reality of our marriage or marvel at the obstacles we’ve overcome.

Have the courage to have THIS conversation and watch your relationship grow. Grab the free printable conversation guide to get started!

 

But a healthy marriage needs to celebrate the good and tweak the bad in order to continue to have a thriving relationship.

A marriage ‘State of the Union’ is the perfect opportunity to talk through and pray through important marital issues.

It’s not a time for guilt and pointing fingers.

It’s not a time of heated arguments where spouses blame each other for their short comings.

It’s not a situation to be entered into lightly, but a time where both couples come together in love, peace, and with the desire to build a solid relationship.

If not handled delicately and with caution, a marriage State of the Union can completely undermine the goal, which is to rationally evaluate every aspect of your marriage. Pray hard as you prepare to connect with your spouse and share your heart.

This conversation could alter the course of your relationship forever. Grab the FREE printable conversation guide to help you get started.

How to Have a Marriage State of the Union

  1. Plan your discussion for a time with little distractions, especially kids, and where you can talk openly and honestly.
  2. Pray for a spirit of transparency and humility in both of you as you begin your discussion.
  3. Be prepared to share the areas of your marriage that are working well, and praise your spouse for the area that he/she excels. Be generous with your compliments!
  4. Delicately plan your words for the areas your spouse needs to improve.  Be as loving and encouraging as possible, but still be truthful.
  5. Expect that your spouse will share areas you need to improve, and come with an open heart and mind as you receive your areas to grow.
  6. Respect the feelings of your spouse, even if you don’t agree, and let him/her have a safe place to share without fear or judgement.
  7. Be quick to listen and slow to speak, putting yourself in the shoes of your spouse, and trying to really understand their view point.
  8. Plan out the topics that you’ll be discussing in advance and agree not to come angry.  Setting an appointment with each other to talk instead of in a moment of anger will help you come to the table with an open heart and mind.
  9. Truly take to heart the needs of your spouse, and discuss specific ways you can implement change in the areas in which you need to grow.
  10. Dream together about life in a few years and the changes that can happen when both parties work towards pleasing the other.
  11. Pray together (or for your spouse if he/she won’t pray with you) and take actions each day towards meeting the needs of your spouse.

Free State of the Union Printables

You and your spouse can complete these worksheets separately and then use to prompt your discussion.

Marriage State of the Union I

Download the printable here

Marriage State of the Union part II

Download the printable here

Marriage State of the Union part III

Download the printable here

While it may seem intimating and may be something you dread, evaluating your life together is a wonderful way to strengthen the bond of your marriage.

Don’t let fear keep you from having a marriage that’s honest and full of truth.  Pray for strength to initiate this conversation and for the right words to speak during your discussion.

God can heal even the most broken marriages and can restore what’s been battered by the storms of life. Have faith and above all, commit to pray for your spouse each day, no matter where you stand right now.  I’m praying for you!

How do you communicate your needs and desires to your spouse?  Have you ever had a State of the Union and what was the outcome?

 

 

 

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About Sarah Ann

Welcome to Faith Along the Way! I am a redeemed child of God and perfectly imperfect in every area of my life. Wife to Hubs, we've battled the storms of Cancer, infertility, adoption & Autism together the past 10 years and praise God for his continued guidance. I hope you'll join us on this journey through life as we trust God with faith along the way.

16 Comments

  • comment-avatar
    Anna Joy October 14, 2015 (9:01 pm)

    Amazing printables with excellent questions – I love the “rating” issues on a number scale. Thank you for this great resource!

    • comment-avatar
      Sarah Ann October 15, 2015 (5:42 am)

      Thank you, Anna! May it bless those marriages that really need an honest conversation with each other!

  • comment-avatar
    Kristin @ Biblical Wives October 15, 2015 (8:32 am)

    I LOVE this!! My hubby and I are the exact same way! We don’t like to argue so rather than deal with an issue we tend to ignore it and hope it goes away. I’ve been looking for a way to bring up one certain issue with him for a couple of weeks and I think this is perfect! Thanks so much for sharing!
    Kristin @ Biblical Wives recently posted…Handling Conflict God’s WayMy Profile

    • comment-avatar
      Sarah Ann October 17, 2015 (7:45 am)

      Good for you for realizing it needs to be brought to light! I think so often how we deal with issues depends on your tone and how you approach it. Best wishes for a healthy conversation!

  • comment-avatar
    Clare Speer October 15, 2015 (3:26 pm)

    Great and planned way to deal with good and (not so good) things in our marriage – love the printables! Very helpful! I love your points to be slow to talk, and listen and sitting down together uninterrupted – that’s important I think.

    • comment-avatar
      Sarah Ann October 17, 2015 (7:46 am)

      Uninterrupted time is SO important! It can be a challenge to find time together alone, but it’s so worth it for a healthy discussion!

  • What to Do When Your Husband Disappoints You October 16, 2015 (5:01 am)

    […] sort of negative emotion in his life whether disappointment or something else. Having a marriage “State of the Union”, can be a fabulous way to clear the air and assess every aspect of the […]

  • comment-avatar
    Janelle@The Peaceful Haven October 16, 2015 (9:12 am)

    This is absolutely fantastic Sarah! I plan on printing off my copy…my husband and I usually have our “state of the union” on our anniversary…going on 27 years of marriage. Since my husband’s career is in Human Resources we jokingly call it a “performance review”…I usually flunk submission 🙂 I keep pressing on and praying for God to accomplish it in my life!
    Janelle@The Peaceful Haven recently posted…Odor Eating Essential Oil SprayMy Profile

    • comment-avatar
      Sarah Ann October 17, 2015 (7:44 am)

      I love the idea of a “performance review”! How amazing and inspirational that you and your husband have this every year!

  • comment-avatar
    Valerie October 17, 2015 (10:25 am)

    This is so helpful. I love, ” But a healthy marriage needs to celebrate the good and tweak the bad in order to continue to have a thriving relationship. ” Thank you for the printable!

  • comment-avatar
    Sarah Koontz October 20, 2015 (8:47 am)

    Beautiful resource and encouragement for every marriage!
    Sarah Koontz recently posted…The Legacy of Oswald Chambers: 7 quotes in 7 daysMy Profile

  • comment-avatar
    Brittany @ Equipping Godly Women December 10, 2015 (8:59 am)

    Great idea! My husband and I are avoiders too.

    • comment-avatar
      Sarah Ann January 2, 2016 (6:43 am)

      I think it’s easy to avoid conversations that are hot topics and easy to let our true feelings be voiced. 🙂

  • comment-avatar
    Kate December 31, 2015 (8:31 am)

    What a great post! I would love for you to link up with us at100 Happy Days. http://www.akreativewhim.com/100-happy-new-year-days-11/

    • comment-avatar
      Sarah Ann January 2, 2016 (6:33 am)

      Thank you so much! I’ll be sure to stop by!

  • comment-avatar
    Terri January 7, 2016 (6:35 pm)

    I absolutely love this! The idea of a state of the union is such a good idea. I’m learning that as much as I would love my husband to be physic, he’s not. Opening the communication to a forum like this definitely has the power to change the relationship.
    Terri recently posted…Don’t Create A New Year’s Resolution. Do This InsteadMy Profile